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Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Fuhh.
Me and scholarship. Hmm. What's wrong with this picture?Alriiiiiiiight. It's my aim, okay. I know. I know, no one would believe me that I'd make it. Honestly, I don't even believe in myself if I could make it. Fourteen years of school or so, I've never shown a potential of me being in the future, holding luggages and waving to my family at the airport, or having this Doa Selamat function at home, relatives coming over, farewell-ing me for my study overseas, no. Not that much.
Nine people from my family tree, those nine who I call cousins had tasted the glory to be sent off to either YouKay, or Aussie on scholarship courses. One flew off 6 years ago, and this year will be his last, coming home as a doctor. One just took off last year, my age. One already came back as an accountant. And so are the stories of the rest.
And this scholarship thing? Where did it come from? It usually happens when you have a relative gathering, consisting of the involved uncles and aunts whose son or daughter had been sent off. Especially when most of them ARE lucturers, or principals, or teachers or whatever ties they've gotta do with education, this topic will always comes first. And as fate would have it, I always happen to be sitting in the middle of this conversation, and have to listen to all of it. I could have moved someplace else, but it'd be rude now, wouldn't it?
The elderly, of course they want us to listen to whatever they've gotta say, and they know too that we wouldn't like it. We just have to, sadly. And while this scholarhip conversation thing is going on, and my uncles and aunts are telling how their children are doing overseas, my father would take a glance or two at me once in a while, and sigh, not long after. As if he was saying to me like, "Kau bila lagi?" or something like that. I know he's jealous. And disappointed, to some extent. Relax father, the time will come. Just you wait.
Of course I don't want to see my father's face to be forever looking like that. And of course I'd love to see one day him smiling, and proud of me at the same time. And surely, I don't want to be left behind in the family tree of those who made it overseas.
And here's me. Sitting infront of the desktop, blogging at 4-ish am in less than 2 hours of school re-opening. Wasn't I suppose to be having a good sleep and have a fresh start tomorrow? Just by the way of being an excellent student, who is lusting for scholarship? But then it's okay. It's only been the first day, and I promise tomorrow will be fine. I haven't recovered yet from the holiday's jet lag.
And also tomorrow, is the starting of new style of studying; twice the efficiency, twice the effectiveness, and twice the hardwork. I'll be writing notes, short ones obviously for brainstorming. I'll review last year's syllabus, and again, jotting down whatever's important. I'll even stick the papers to the wall if I have to, just like when Michael Scoffield studied Fox River. I'll reduce night outings and weekends. I'll have to control diet now, eat proper food to help my brain's functionality, so that I'll revise smoother. And the most important of all, improve my obedience strength to Allah. Now that I've worked so hard, all of it wouldn't buy off if it wasn't for His blessings. So I need to take care life from every different perspectives.
Now that it's Maktab Duli Season 2 and it's Season Finale, I'm not gonna lose. I'm gonna prove that I'm somebody, and I'm gonna shove it in their face! In a good way by the way. I'm gonna improve my interaction, my manifestation and my education. New Year's resolution baby!
Okay. Now that's lame.